selfish

‘selfish’ the music video is out now. Can’t believe we shot this while on tour. can’t believe i was on tour. this was the last song I wrote for the Diamond In The Rough and probably my most vulnerable song on that project. throughout the years I have been selfish with my time, my attention, my energy, even my love. Growing up, it felt like all I had was a dream of being loved, not really knowing what love felt like. Not really knowing what it meant to actually love. we grew up poor…borrowing money from neighbors, family, and friends just so we can eat, to survive. music felt like the answer to all of my problems. with music I could be loved, I could successful, i can get us a house. I went through so many heartbreaks on trying turn this dream into reality. but still i chose this dream over everything even abandoning a phd path i had laid in front of me. that’s when i wrote my first mixtape people leave dreams don’t. that was my motto. everyone is going to leave so i might as well chase my dreams and never look back. and carrying all of that hurt eventually made me numb and that’s when i made when i lost the feeling. fast forward three years and i essentially became someone else through my music. I lost myself and to cope i created this false identity through my music. but when you approach art or life in general, without your true self, you block yourself from actually creating what you were meant to create. so i wrote diamond in the rough as a writing exercise to get this ‘feeling’ back. I made a decision long ago that I will be selfish and never put anyone above music out of fear of being loved, fear of more heartbreaks, fear of forever being poor. I’ve created this lifestyle of sacrificing everything for this dream, being ‘selfish.’ Sometimes it kept me out of trouble which was good because I never been the party type or smoking drinking whatever type fr, sometimes it brought people in my life that I needed to meet who are still with me today, and sometimes I’ve lost people I truly cared for because I just wanted to make it and being selfish felt like the only trade off. It gets exhaustive you know….losing people. But after years and years of being selfish, I finally asked myself what is all of this for..and is it all worth it? Now music is still and will forever be a big piece of who I am, but I find myself reflecting a lot on this song and seeing how I no longer have to be so ‘selfish.’ I don’t want to be this selfish. I want to love. I can love. I can be there for people. I can be there for myself all at the same time. This is only possible through God though. Im so happy that I wrote this song because it was so revealing of who I have been.

i’ve been thinking about this for the past year and a half. today wasn’t the day i decided to change but today is the day i announce it and finally put it into practice. i’ve been making music from this persona afraid that if i purify my music i’ll lose my supporters, that i’d be uncool to my biggest fan. i know the world wants secularism but i’m retiring from providing this fantasy that that’s what i want too. retiring from living under this rapper persona that hasn’t been me for the past few years. one day i want to have kids and be a great father and a great husband. im choosing to be the example i want to show them, and the man that knows how to lead them. i know im not meant to be perfect so my music will never be-but these next few months of music will be the shed of the Isaiah Keaton that I created, and a new version that i have been allowing God to create.

I rapped “soon as they get close-i gotta go ghost-and that’s just how it goes-until i really go ghost-it’s something’s you’ll never know -but in the meantime i’ll just focus on businesses.”

It’s crazy to think that I normalized being avoidant and used music as a tool to enable the very thing that was causing all that i was afraid of-all that i was trying to avoid. it’s pretty ironic lol. Hearing this over and over again showed me that i’ve been so naive and inexperienced with love and what it means to actually love people. Love takes sacrifices, love takes stepping out of your own head and being there for someone when they need you, actually being there physically when they need you. Love is selfless. There’s a million ways to describe love and its feeling and i don’t know the exact word to describe it- but I do know - that love is not neglect. I feel like we neglect so often out of fear of being hurt, out of fear of making the wrong decisions. But love is taking chances. If you know me you know im a taking chances a** n****a. So, as you watch this music video, as I finish up this deluxe album today (I am literally on my way to the studio), im here to write to you that I no longer desire to be selfish. I want to love the right way, a selfless way, and I know that I must love myself-which I do- but im working on being available and being there for everyone I care about not just myself. I spent the past few years living under this rapper persona. Releasing vulgar music talking about women that don’t exist, talking about money that im struggling to obtain as if i got it, talking about success as if this dream alone could ever make me truly happy. I kinda always knew this but I am now willing to accept and acknowledge that there is more to life than just success. and success, to me, is more than music. I know now that there is more to healing from trauma then it not just hurting anymore. But, I am blessed because just when I thought that my music was becoming too distant from who I actually am, I wrote this verse. At the time it felt right that I have been so ‘selfish.’ I mean being this selfish has enabled me to perform with a band, go on tour, design my own clothes, have people wear my clothes, build a community, and so much more. but it also made a lot of these things feel lonely and now I know what I want my life to be about. Now Im learning the man I want to be. And I know this is a long message but who cares lol I wrote this for myself and for the people who actually ever wondered what goes on in my head as a person not just an artist. Anyways, I am happy to announce that after this deluxe mixtape drops, I will be releasing songs that I wrote in my ‘selfish’ phase-songs that derived from my ‘rapper persona.’ Anddddd, sometime by the end of the year, after I cleanse the vault, I will be working on a new album. This time, it wont be a persona. This time it will be me. Music about love, God, and growing into the man I want to be. No cursing. No lying. No masking. Real music from my soul. Let me tell you, this new journey feels so transformative. I’m leaning into God and embracing love. This has been brewing in me for the past year to be honest. It feels good to finally say it….So wait on the deluxe! It’s coming soon. Wait on these new singles that my ‘rapper persona’ will be dropping. And then, wait on this soul album……from me.